


relive relief

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Drabble, M/M, POV Poe Dameron, Poe dies and his life flashes before his eyes, Reminiscing, Ups and Downs, honestly i don't know what else to tell you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 09:53:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12318645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He hears Finn’s voice over the comms, he is shouting excitedly and Poe smiles to himself. He doesn’t know. He knows of the final blow Poe put to that ship, he knows of General Hux’ death and Kylo Ren’s surrender – but he doesn’t know of the TIE fighter that had been trailing Poe, that had brought Poe’s X-wing into a spiral down the nearby moon which he knows to be of no nature for humans. He can’t control the ship anymore, and he knows once it blows, it will be over. The war, his life, his love.





	relive relief

**Author's Note:**

> so listen  
> i know i'm one year and ten months late and two months early to post a stormpilot fanfiction AND NOW THAT EPISODE 8 IS BASICALLY ALREADY SCREAMING AT US this is almost pointless  
> BUT i wrote this in march 2016, found it again yesterday and edited it. didn't know whether to share it because it's overdone? i think? i haven't been here for a few months, but i believe no one is actively looking for (another) fic about a dying poe thinking about his life(, anymore). now here we are tho
> 
> and yea i'm kind of not a native english speaker so i might have mixed some expressions up, if you find something, do tell me please

When it all ends with a bang, Poe Dameron feels nothing but content. Dazed by the amount of adrenaline in his body, he even smiles in his foolishness.

 

As cliché as it might be, his entire life rushes in front of his eyes and he knows that it was all good. Up, and down, and up again, almost like flying.

 

Growing up on Yavin 4, its peaceful environment had made him feel safe, his parents loved him above anything else and every one of the flights with his mother’s A-wing filled him with a pure feeling of freedom and serenity, giving him a certain familiarity that would one day be crucial to whole worlds, to whole galaxies. A small young boy, barely even big enough to reach the controls without his mother’s help, had come to know his one true passion.

 

His mother's death had corrupted the tranquility of little Poe and even years after her death, right as he joined the New Republic Navy, he had cried in his quarters after finishing the very first mission because he knew, deep down, that this was not what had wanted. He felt wrong, he felt unfulfilled – there was something missing, and he couldn’t place _what was,_ which frightened him to no end.

 

Flying, above all things, reminded him of his mother. He felt obliged to protect her legacy and was more than eager to do so. But it wasn’t until he was offered to be a part of something bigger, of something greater, that he realized this task could be truly completed.

 

Joining the Resistance meant to fight for the cause, to be prepared for your perhaps meaningless death in a war where conquering it was almost impossible if you didn’t die saving the entire galaxy in the process. But, oh boy, Poe was willing to do anything – after all, now was his turn to free the galaxy from evil, to ensure that what his parents fought for thirty years ago wasn't for nothing.

 

It was devastating to fail, to fail his parents and the Resistance, and he wasn't used to it. General Organa had even warned him, he knew of the importance of this mission and its risk. Once something went slightly wrong, Poe would be completely on his own, but he had thought there wouldn’t be any need for a rescue anyway, he was Poe Dameron, son of Shara Bey and Kes Dameron, fighter pilot, Commander of Black Squadron, _the best kriffing pilot in the Resistance_ —

 

That he'd end up getting caught, captured and tortured, made him feel utterly miserable.

 

And just when he thought that it couldn't have been worse, a stormtrooper entered his cell, probably to lead him to his execution. And even though he was ready to die for something he believed in, he wasn't ready to die a failure to everyone that had put all their trust in him.

 

He went with the trooper, then turned here, then listened. Albeit surprised to find a young soldier without his helmet, he found a strange comfort in the brown eyes of the young soldier that he didn’t know where to place. Perhaps he had been dead indeed, perhaps this all was just a dream in an unwary sleep, a state of exhaustion and fatigue induced by torture, only torture ho _urs and hours and hours with no end._ He wasn’t certain of reality, but whether his mind decided to play tricks on him or not, he was determined to play the game and _win_ , and if it was the last thing he’d do.

 

It calmed him down to have help from a defector, a _defector_. Because FN-2187 wanted to leave the First Order behind, he didn’t want to kill for them, ever.

 

Poe couldn’t have been more relieved to have found a way to escape this hell.

 

Then their ship, a mere TIE fighter – man, he had _always_ wanted to fly one of these things – crashed, in the midst of the desert no less, because he had insisted on getting BB8 back, his buddy and the reason this mission maybe wouldn’t have gone awry after all. He was devastated once again. The young boy – he had called him Finn, designation numbers certainly didn’t count as a proper name – was nowhere to be found, only the desert in whichever way Poe had looked. He tried crying out for a while, but his throat had gone sore from the dry sun and the remainder of the agony his vocal chords had endured when he couldn’t stop the screams from rising from his mouth.

 

The pilot wishes now for a chance to tell his younger self of Finn’s survival, of his strength and resourcefulness despite being all on his own, at first. If it hadn’t been for his strong will, he’d have given up right then and there, in the wide and hot desert of Jakku. He’s glad that he didn’t.

 

Seeing Finn again had been such an overwhelming feeling of joy and a warmth of something new in his chest, a welcome change from the guilt he felt from killing a young man who just wanted to get out of a place he did not feel the belonging to. Finn had his whole life ahead and Poe took it from him—no, no, he didn’t, Finn was alive and well and eager to help.

 

Finn brought Poe’s jacket along and it was only mandatory for Finn to keep it. Suited him, objectively, _stop biting your lips like that, Dameron._

 

Although, from what he had heard, Poe’s now Finn’s jacket saved him. It didn’t keep him from the coma, didn’t keep him from the physical therapy after he woke up. Poe couldn’t have been more relieved when he saw him in this painfully white bed of the med bay Finn had occupied for about 4 weeks straight, blinking confusedly at the blinding lights and taking more than a few minutes to accustom. Obviously, he asked for Rey first, whether she was okay, then about Poe, whether he waited for Finn. How long he did.

 

Finn had been saved from dying on the spot in the arms of his newest friend whom Poe had come to know as the strongest and most frightening woman he would ever encounter – and he had been, proudly so, in the presence of General Leia Organa several times, so that truly held a lot of meaning. Perhaps the legend turned hermit Luke Skywalker had something to do with it—Poe certainly was too afraid to ask, but not too ashamed to admit his fear to the young Jedi Rey had become over months and months of practice. She had laughed in his face, (which turned fear into mighty respect) while Finn had snorted amusedly and hidden it behind his hand. Rey had definitely seen the blush that had formed out of embarrassment, but apparently, didn’t decide it was of importance.

 

The pilot just smiled.

 

Over the weeks Poe had helped Finn through therapy, it hadn’t never been easy, because both he and Finn had little sleep in the night. Often complaining, but still happy, everybody noticed.

 

With Finn, Poe felt safe again, more important and less like a failure. And he knew that he wanted Finn to be by his side for the rest of his life, as short as it may be. In his last moments, he remembers the relief he felt when Finn wanted the same thing. They could survive the war as long as they had each other.

 

He hears Finn’s voice over the comms, he is shouting excitedly and Poe smiles to himself. He doesn’t know. He knows of the final blow Poe put to that ship, he knows of General Hux’ death and Kylo Ren’s surrender – but he doesn’t know of the TIE fighter that had been trailing Poe, that had brought Poe’s X-wing into a spiral down the nearby moon which he knows to be of no nature for humans. He can’t control the ship anymore, and he knows once it blows, it will be over. The war, his life, his love.

 

When it ends with a bang, Poe is grateful for the ups and downs of his life. He’s grateful for his childhood and the ability to fight for the galaxy when his time had come.

He’s grateful for the time he had with Finn.

 

When it ends with a bang, Poe dies a happy man, Finn’s name a whisper, a _prayer_ , on his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> so that sucked huh
> 
> oh did i mention there was a prompt to this  
> "write something that ends with a bang", which i could've accomplished w/o poe's death SO WHY DID I DO THAT 
> 
> anyways whos excited to bust some nuts for episode 8


End file.
